I am Allergic to Bureauracy!

If you have read any of my blog over the last couple years about us and our journey... you have probably already figured that out,I can be very vocal about the craziness of life that we live...due to Rodney being wounded in combat in 2006. There have been many blessings and as well as challenges. We have learned to dance steps to a dance we didn't know and play a game we didn't know the rules to. Dealing with all the processes and powers that be has been the most frustrating situations I could ever have imagined. So from now on in my life I am diagnosing myself allergic to bureaucracy! Which could be interesting since I am going to be a social worker, believe me I am going to try and not be part of the problem.
I thought I would update as to where we are as of today. Since I haven't done that in awhile..so here we go!

1. Rodney has still not finished the med-board process & yes it has been over 3 years since he was wounded. In fact he has another med-board appt. tomorrow at Ft. Riley, for behavior health.Hopefully this is the very last one but we are prepared for the possibility it isn't. This means he is still formally in the Kansas National Guard...limbo actually since he is not able to participate in drill. They extended his time in the military by another year...since the process in still in motion. the worst part is not having ANY communication about what is happening, say for instance a case manager who calls us once a month..no way, we call, we call and they don't call back.We have come to expect that as horrible as that is! We do have a FRC (Federal Recovery Coordinator) now, but she is clear in Georgia. I have been doing this for so long now, I sometimes feel I know at least as much as she does, and probably more consider I live it every day.
2.Physically & emotionally Rodney is worse off than he was when he first came home. He is 46, not one of the younger soldiers. He is now wearing a knee brace and uses a cane most of the time. He will need to have a knee replacement at some point (VA likes to wait until age 50.His pain level depends on the day. He had an appt. recently with his primary. Rodney is on about 15-20 meds a day from psysh drugs to blood pressure to high cholesterol to pain. We keep the list on the fridge so we can grab it in an emergency. I know Rod struggles emotionally with his TBI & PTSD as well as not feeling as capable as he was before. I wish I could say him going to the hospital as an in-patient has helped, but I would be lying. His memory, his ability to follow through and his impulsiveness seem to get a little better then go the other direction. I am so defeated some days. Honestly there is so much and it is so difficult on our relationship and his relationships with the kids.
3. The decision from Social Security has been made but we don't know what it is yet...we have to wait for it to come in the mail! We are of course hoping for the positive and that we will get some financial support since Rodney cannot work. So we should know soon...I will let you know!!!!
4. I received my letter that I am good to receive Chapter 35 education benefits. This means that I will receive a stipin to help pay for grad school according to the hours I am taking. So since I am going part-time I should get around $400 a month and they are paying in arrears to when I started school last fall...so this is good news!
5. We are now on Champ-VA medical insurance, so no more paying $600 for health insurance like we have been doing since Rodney lost his job in June. This is going to be a huge savings for us. I am not sure about the coverage yet but we will figure it out.
I am done for now, it is late and after writing I realize how far we have come but it may not lead us where we had all planned. We are still waiting to see where we will end up...same as we have for years now. It is exhausting! I look forward to the day we feel more in charge of our own lives!

Send good thoughts that Rod's appt. goes well tomorrow.

Trying to Keep Imagining!
Tracy

PRAISE REPORT-TSGLI

Today is a really good Day...We got the word today-we have been approved to receive a disability settlement from TSGLI (Traumatic Service members Group Life Insurance). We are elated and beyond grateful on so many levels. I was in tears as I was speaking to the person who brought such joyous news to our family. I just kept saying "you have no idea what this means to us and thank you". Rodney was in tears when I told him. We are both stunned but in a good way :) We have known for a couple weeks that Rodney's case was being looked at again due to guideline changes. We were optimistic but not overly confident due to our many experiences with disappointment with the system along this journey. We had been turned down in for TSGLI in Dec. 2006 because Rod's wounds didn't qualify.We were shocked then as well. It took us many months of calling, contacting and contemplation to finally decide not to appeal our claim. We obviously didn't have the fight left in us, so we moved on to survive. Here we are 13 months later and we have been approved!!!! Praise to the Lord!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It is only through him that this could have happened!!!!!!
Now we can feel more financially secure and worry less about finances and concentrate on living and healing, not just surviving. Some of our dreams can possibly come true-the dreams we held onto so tight during those months when Rodney was deployed. We might be able to buy a house,quit wasting money on rent,get out of this gloomy duplex-into a good neighborhood with more children for Connor to play with. We are even considering moving out of town-close enough that Carley can still attend High School locally but get Connor out of the middle school atmosphere in 5th grade,(it is like a pseudo high School). There is faith, hope and possibility where there was defeat, hopelessness and anger. Thank you to everyone for prayers for our family-Prayer does works!Continued Prayers that this really does happen (sorry I have been burnt too many times) and we will have the $ in the bank in a week and we will make smart financial decisions.(pay off bills, be charitable,get a different place to live,help Taylor with college, send me back to school to re-train for a career, pay back relatives who have kept us afloat,consider Rodney's Harley Davidson??? and maybe even a vacation to DC.(I would love to be able to visit other wounded warriors at Walter Reed and meet some of the individuals instrumental in helping us along the way)Many things to take into the equation and consider. I am most thankful not just because of $-it is because I know some part of the system for wounded warriors does work.

God Bless & Keep Imagining!
Tracy

Saying Good-Bye to Georgia and Welcome Home! 2006

Photos of WELCOME HOME on Nov. 1, 2006
I need to finish what I started and get back on track with the original reason for this blog-at least catch up or I will forever be in 2006 and we are only a couple days away from the NEW YEAR-2008! I will just try and hit the highlights and describe some of the feelings and situations we find ourselves in during this time.

October 30-Nov. 1

10/30

• Started off the day by visiting the Medhold Company that Rodney is attached to here in Georgia. The medhold company seems pretty unorganized from my civilian eyes but obviously I am not the one in charge :) Rodney's platoon leader has been very nice and visited us in Rod's hospital room throughout the stay. We sat in an over-crowded office for over 30 minutes waiting to meet with someone who could tell us what was supposed to happen next-not a new place for us but one that does tend to involve some stress. We did finally find out some info.- Rodney will be able to come home for about a month (the days he spent at the Fisher House are considered part of his convalescence leave) and then return to Fort Gordon. He will basically be going to formations, maybe doing some office work, going to Dr. appt.s and live in the barracks (basically like a dorm). We are not sure how long this will go on but hopefully he will be eligible for a program (CBHC) that is new that allows the wounded soldiers to be at home and go to local doctors -we will have to wait and see.


• We then headed over to the Hospital to begin the out-processing so he can be released to go home. We met with his case manager and she gave us the list of what needed to get done. When at Fort Gordon the case worker will be working closely with Rodney and making his dr. appts. and following up to see how he is doing.


• Rod then had an appt. with a primary care physician whom he had never met before, but it is part of the process. She just basically gave him a quick look over and his records etc.. then made a few comments and let us leave. Kinda strange.


• We went to records to get his medical records-long wait so will have to pursue that another day-but very important.


• Met with social worker-not sure why? She wasn't very informative or didn't offer us anything new to take with us on our journey to the unknown.


• Went to the office for travel. We are still struggling to get on same flight-he needs someone to travel with him lucky for him I don't give up without a fight. They seem to recognize my name in this office which means I have made a name for myself-not one they probably want to share with me. I know they are just doing their job but not sure why things have to be so difficult and so much red-tape. I go into everything Army related knowing it will be more work than really necessary.


• We did speak with a VA rep. which was very helpful and insightful. She told us not to allow them to release Rodney from Medhold until he was completely well-even the smallest thing get it taken care of.


• Went back to Fisher House to separate Rodney's belongings into what is going home and what will go over to the barracks.


• Went to get Rodney a new uniform jacket at the PX uniform shop-the one they sent with him-the zipper is busted. This is our dime not the militaries-that is messed up.


• Set up things with Fort Leavenworth medical facility for the time when Rodney is home. He will be able to go to Munson Hospital to get his labs drawn for the blood thinner issues and have his leg wounds monitored. The Fort is about an hour away from where we live in Kansas.

He also had some de-briefing by a Chaplin as well as a mental health provider. I am concerned what is going on in Rod's head a great deal-he has been through a major traumatic event physically and emotionally-but right now they have said they are dealing with healing the physical first. That concerns me-I feel both can be dealt with simutanoulsy and worry about how things will be with the stress of home. We already have our moments where we are butting heads-but hopefully with a lot of love, patience and me helping to keep things less stressful we will make it thru all of this. Maybe...
WE are just wanting to get done whatever needs to be done-jump through whatever hoops we need to-so that Rodney can go home to see all the family including the kids and to be honest-as much as I like Georgia I am getting homesick for good old Kansas!

Rodney doesn't know but I have had some of our good friends at home planning a "small" welcome home when we arrive. I know he will be tired so I am putting the emphasis on "small"-Right now we don't have the ok on our flights together nor do we have a time for a flight-so hopefully all will work out on that. I know there are so many supporters back home who just want to say thank you-as well as our families that just want to see in person he is ok!

next day... Oct. 31, 2006-Happy Halloween! It feels strange to be away from the kids today especially Connor who still enjoys dressing up and going trick-or-treating-he is a vampire this year and I know Mam-mam (rodney's mom) will make sure he has a good time. Carley is going over to a friends house for a party and may-be some trick or treating. She is 13 so most likely the last big Halloween for her as a kid :(-it is hard but they understand (amazing kids)-and we are learning sacrifice is part of being a military family! Our last full day here in Georgia. We finally got the travel situation taken care of-we will be flying together! We will have a connecting flight in Charlotte so hopefully all will run smoothly. We should arrive in Kansas City on Nov. 1st around 5:00pm-so I am making phone calls to get the homecoming reception going now that we have a time of arrival! Last night we went out to dinner with one of the couples (they are from the San Diego, CA area) in the Fisher House and their son-we ate Italian. Fun and good food! It was good to be out-we just cannot move real fast with Rodney's leg injuries-but we can deal with that no problem! Tonight we are going out to eat with another couple to Red Lobster. Adam and Lisa-from North Dakota. We had a good time but it was strange to see all the little kids with their parents dressed-up for Halloween. Kinda a funny-we left the Fort to go into Augusta, so when we returned we had to show our military ID-Rodney didn't bring his. Luckily the guard let other vouch for him and we were let back on Fort. Another fun day of the journey :) Tomorrow we get to go home so packing and last minute details and we our homeward bound!!!!

Nov. 1st, 2006
Rodney went to his last minute appt.s and I packed up. Lisa was kind enough to take us to the airport so I was able to return my rental on the Fort. We flew out of Augusta which is a really small airport-our flight was late taking off but we made it to Charlotte in time for our connection (actually with time to spare but we went and ate and almost missed our flight because Rodney moves slower and wouldn't use airport assistance-but we made it). I will have to say thought that the flight from Charlotte to KC was the most uncomfortable flight I have ever taken-the seats were hard and wouldn't lay back at all-I was miserable and know Rodney had to be...Just a long day of travel after a long couple weeks in Georgia. We arrived in KC and were the last ones off the plane..Rodney's parents and sister brought Connor and a family friend, K, brought up Carley (Taylor was working)-it was so good to see the kiddos!
A surprise limo awaited to take us HOME! Connor's cub scout Pack had paid for it-the kids were so excited! I could tell Rodney was is pain and tired but he was also surprised when we got back to Gardner and headed to the High School-the total opposite direction than our house-he finally got it when he saw all the people with signs! Welcome Home Surprise courtesy of friends (Tina Vega & Keith Moll) and all our family! Thanks to you all!!!!

Finally Home...
Keep Imagining!

The System is Broken...

I wanted to add a post describing what my biggest issues and frustrations were up to this point in my story. I had little experience dealing with the military so I wasn't a veteran military wife who knew how the "military" worked. I didn't understand why things took so long-so I was inpatient. I didn't understand decisions weren't just made and then action was taken and followed out. I didn't know that to get from point A to point B that sometimes things were handled by going from A to E to S back B, in other words the system wasn't working and I wasn't pleased at all. I feel the men and women in service are giving a huge sacrifice and that really they have one of the the most unselfish jobs there is-so why didn't people care or have the answers when one of their own was wounded-I will admit I am not the best at handling chain of command or protocol-but I will say I am diplomatic,I tend to believe most people are truthful and give people and situations an opportunity to work out- after that I become (put nicely)tenaciously obsessed and pissed off!!! I know most people would be so surprised to know how complicated and messed up getting to my husbands bedside was as well as finding out information about what happens now... If you don't ask and look for it yourself you don't know about it. That was and is so difficult for me to swallow...

So recap on why the experience was a nightmare:

1.) I wasn't contacted when my husband was seriously wounded in a war zone. I was listed as next of kin and contact person. My in laws were contacted instead at about 1am by the company commander because he felt this was in my best interest based on meeting me 2 times.He stated my husband was unconsious so he took it upon himself to make the decision on who to call (which according to my husband and others he wasn't the entire time they were working on him) What is supposed to happen is this; The company commander is to contact the state (in the case of National Guard) and the state liaison/officer assigned from rear detachment, then contacts the spouse/next of kin listed,but not between the hours of 11pm and 7am (I think that is right on the times?). The liaisons job is to then stay in contact with the family and help them thru the process of knowing what happened and what was going to happen next. (Just so you know that the commander did inform me after I wrote a detailed email and sent it to anybody and everybody that he was reprimanded for making a decision that wasn't his to make).

2.)The officer from the state of Kansas that first contacted me ( I guess he was my liason???)-pretty much left me on my own after a few days and then wouldn't return my phone calls on a timely basis then when he did I actually knew more than he did.
He couldn't handle it if I got emotional at all.

3.)No one could tell me when or if I would be able to be at my husbands bedside when he got back stateside nor for sure what medical facility he would be going to. There are many hoops to jump thru or in military talk-certain things have to happen before we can make arrangements for you to fly to him (like the dr. saying he can have visitors???)-I will say when all was said and done, they did make my flight arrangements and pay for my flight to and from)

4.)I call people and they don't call me back or they pass the buck or they pass along a lot of mis-information. (mis-information is a huge issue-I got to the point where I would start every conversation with I need your help but if you do not know the answer just say "I don't know but I can help you find out"-don't give me information that may or may not be the case. I really hated that no one in whatever dept. of the govt. I spoke to seemed to be held accountable for the information they passed out.

5.) I hated that my wounded soldier was being treated in a foreign country and he was unable to speak for himself or even understand most of the time what was even happening and he had no one to advocate for him-this made me physically sick to think about.

I think for now that was my major concerns-I will say I was very proactive in calling the hospital in Germany and making sure they knew his medical history, that he had a family who loved him and trying to get myself physically to him. I more than likely was at times over-sensitive and very emotional but the situation warranted these as well as so many other emotions. I had to do what I had to do/I had to be strong and persistant-The Army was so new at dealing with so many wounded soldiers-especially national guard. The system wasn't set up for it-not that I got much comfort from that fact..it was a fact. I will say in the year since we were initially in this situation many parts of the system have been changed for the better. I have been in contact with whomever will listen in DC as well as our own state capital telling our story-I know it has made some difference and we are part of the change....that makes me feel good that some other family won't have to go thru all we did. I just hope I can be looked at as a strong advocate instead of a troublemaker. :)

More later to my faithful blog followers...
(not a novel yet)
Tracy

To celebrate or not celebrate?

ok that is the question for today? so here we go-(1st time blogger!) Today is the day before the anniversary of my husband being wounded in combat in Iraq-so October 12th is the actual day-9:30am kansas time. Trying to decide how I am supposed to feel as well as gauge how my husband is doing and the kiddos. One of the things I am struggling with the most is that the last year has been so very difficult and full of a great many challenges (we are talking dealing with the military) :) My husband has come a long way physically. Our family has suffered financially. Everyone of us in the family have our own feelings and issues relating to what happened. It has been compared to a grieving process-the loss being.. my husband being almost killed in a war zone and he won't ever be the same nor will we-there will always be the before and after-ok what is the struggle??? Do we celebrate tommorow in some way?? I am not saying we will have cake and balloons-but I do want to try to turn it around to the positive- (Live forward...)I can see doing the party deal maybe in a couple years-because we are so thankful he is here with us when medically speaking he should not be-Yes we are thankful now but the hurt is still so raw even after a year-we are still in the nightmare called medhold and our life is in a holding pattern. The other thing is so many people are just saying-oh it's been a year-time for you to move on- Rodney looks fine? etc...who decides when we move on? Isn't it a process? I am all alone on this one-I know no other wounded warrior spouses-so if you are out there-I would love to hear from ya- I will share more about the actual details of my husbands injuries and the rest of the story at a later date...

* Pictures taken at Fort Gordon, GA, Eisenhower Army Hospital-Oct. 20-Nov.1, 2006

So was the question answered...no but we will see what tommorow brings-that is all we can do!

Proud Army wife-

T-