I am on the downhill slide to finish my 2nd semester of Grad school. May 5th I will be one year into a three year program. I should be feeling good about where I am standing at this point, I mean I have proven I can do it. Why do I feel like I could just let it all go and screw it up? I have learned so much and really enjoy the interaction with the instructors and the other students. I start my practicum next fall, which means This is my ticket to so many changes in my life and to prove I am still capable to accomplish what I need to, even other parts of life stay stressful.
I have two classes-Research & Behavior Theory. I am doing ok in both, but better in the Theory class. I have missed the Research class so many times, and attendance doesn't count towards our grade. I am having a harder time grasping this class and add not going to class for being ill or whatever is not helping. I know this, I really do..and I have a project due that I am supposed to do with a group, some of my friends. I am letting them down as well as myself.I may end up doing a project and presentation by myself, I wouldn't blame them. I don't know if I can do a project on a subject I don't really understand...but I have to try. I don't want to get by I want to do my best...to be proud of myself and for my kids to be proud. I have to finish and do well enough to continue...it is all I really have. Why am I sabotaging myself?I feel like I cannot move, like I am even afraid to try. Procrastination is an understatement! I need to get up tomorrow and overcome whatever is holding me back...do my homework, face up to my group and figure out what I am doing for this project for April 19th. I need to be stubborn and do whatever it takes to get the work done for both classes. Ok...that is my confession for today...hopefully I can move forward and look back at this and know I fixed it!I know my depression is kicking in and physically I have had some stomach issues again as well as headaches. It is all tied to everything....I can't let this be the end of my dream.
Trying to Keep Imagining!
Tracy
A FAMILY WOUNDED BY WAR This is our story of continued determination even after a 4 year journey as a wounded family! We have faith, hope,love while learning to live with our "NEW" normal and healing from the wounds no one can see!
3 comments:
I am an A student in the subject of procrastination, and yes, I have sabotaged myself on more that one occasion. But you know what? Sometimes applying an ungodly amount of pressure on yourself can be the only motivation you need to get shit done.
Have faith in yourself, and although you want to make your family proud, ultimately you are doing this for you - right?
Domenica
You can do it Tracy!!
Thanks ladies for the encouragement...Yes I am doing this for myself, but doing for myself doesn't really come naturally! Curse of being a mom and a wife/caregiver!
Tracy
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