Back to the journey log- Wed. 10/18/2006

We found Rodney at Andrews Air Force Base-they do have a medical facility that handles the wounded in-route to other facilities-not sure why it was so "top-Secret".

I spoke with Rodney about his flight over from Germany. It was beyond miserable for him-They had litters/cots staked 3 high on a military medical transport. He was on the top tier and in a great deal of discomfort and pain especially from the chest tubes. He wasn't allowed to have but only a small dose of morphine now and then. He said the flight dr. told him that since he (Rod)wasn't mobile he needed him to be coherent enough to help them help him down in case of a crash-he said "I actually prayed the plane would crash, it was so bad"-it was over a ten hour flight. I cannot imagine!
He was scheduled to fly out of AAFB today but due to mechanical problems with the plane it was postponed until tomorrow-he was ok with that because he was so exhausted from the other flight. The manifest for the 19th did have Rodney on it to fly to Georgia-yeah!

Rodney was very difficult to talk to-irritable when I asked questions and no sense of humor which isn't him at all. I had my first taste of what it was going to be like as a caregiver of a strong willed soldier that wanted to go back to his unit in Iraq as soon as possible. He did say he needed me to be with him. I told him how hard I had been working to get to him and that it was so important for him to tell whomever would listen in Georgia that he needed me there- (he still doesn't understand how long I have been fighting to get to him).
Hopefully only a few more days of this agony of wanting and needing to be with him-I am starting to actually pack-believing this is actually going to happen! I will feel so much better to get to actually see him and touch him to know he is really ok-I know he needs the same.

(We had a fatality of a soldier from our community a few days before Rodney was wounded. He was a 19 year old-Shane Austin. His Funeral was today. I feel so badly for his family-so young and so brave. I had chosen not to contact the media after I found out about Rodney because I didn't want to take away from the upcoming funeral of this serviceman. The community really came together and gave Shane a beautiful tribute.-there were flags everywhere, the patriot guard was here and the high school was packed for the memorial service. I chose not to attend but heard about it thru friends. A True Hero-Thank you Shane and family for your sacrifice for our freedom)

More of our story later...
Getting to Georgia!!!
Tracy

The System is Broken...

I wanted to add a post describing what my biggest issues and frustrations were up to this point in my story. I had little experience dealing with the military so I wasn't a veteran military wife who knew how the "military" worked. I didn't understand why things took so long-so I was inpatient. I didn't understand decisions weren't just made and then action was taken and followed out. I didn't know that to get from point A to point B that sometimes things were handled by going from A to E to S back B, in other words the system wasn't working and I wasn't pleased at all. I feel the men and women in service are giving a huge sacrifice and that really they have one of the the most unselfish jobs there is-so why didn't people care or have the answers when one of their own was wounded-I will admit I am not the best at handling chain of command or protocol-but I will say I am diplomatic,I tend to believe most people are truthful and give people and situations an opportunity to work out- after that I become (put nicely)tenaciously obsessed and pissed off!!! I know most people would be so surprised to know how complicated and messed up getting to my husbands bedside was as well as finding out information about what happens now... If you don't ask and look for it yourself you don't know about it. That was and is so difficult for me to swallow...

So recap on why the experience was a nightmare:

1.) I wasn't contacted when my husband was seriously wounded in a war zone. I was listed as next of kin and contact person. My in laws were contacted instead at about 1am by the company commander because he felt this was in my best interest based on meeting me 2 times.He stated my husband was unconsious so he took it upon himself to make the decision on who to call (which according to my husband and others he wasn't the entire time they were working on him) What is supposed to happen is this; The company commander is to contact the state (in the case of National Guard) and the state liaison/officer assigned from rear detachment, then contacts the spouse/next of kin listed,but not between the hours of 11pm and 7am (I think that is right on the times?). The liaisons job is to then stay in contact with the family and help them thru the process of knowing what happened and what was going to happen next. (Just so you know that the commander did inform me after I wrote a detailed email and sent it to anybody and everybody that he was reprimanded for making a decision that wasn't his to make).

2.)The officer from the state of Kansas that first contacted me ( I guess he was my liason???)-pretty much left me on my own after a few days and then wouldn't return my phone calls on a timely basis then when he did I actually knew more than he did.
He couldn't handle it if I got emotional at all.

3.)No one could tell me when or if I would be able to be at my husbands bedside when he got back stateside nor for sure what medical facility he would be going to. There are many hoops to jump thru or in military talk-certain things have to happen before we can make arrangements for you to fly to him (like the dr. saying he can have visitors???)-I will say when all was said and done, they did make my flight arrangements and pay for my flight to and from)

4.)I call people and they don't call me back or they pass the buck or they pass along a lot of mis-information. (mis-information is a huge issue-I got to the point where I would start every conversation with I need your help but if you do not know the answer just say "I don't know but I can help you find out"-don't give me information that may or may not be the case. I really hated that no one in whatever dept. of the govt. I spoke to seemed to be held accountable for the information they passed out.

5.) I hated that my wounded soldier was being treated in a foreign country and he was unable to speak for himself or even understand most of the time what was even happening and he had no one to advocate for him-this made me physically sick to think about.

I think for now that was my major concerns-I will say I was very proactive in calling the hospital in Germany and making sure they knew his medical history, that he had a family who loved him and trying to get myself physically to him. I more than likely was at times over-sensitive and very emotional but the situation warranted these as well as so many other emotions. I had to do what I had to do/I had to be strong and persistant-The Army was so new at dealing with so many wounded soldiers-especially national guard. The system wasn't set up for it-not that I got much comfort from that fact..it was a fact. I will say in the year since we were initially in this situation many parts of the system have been changed for the better. I have been in contact with whomever will listen in DC as well as our own state capital telling our story-I know it has made some difference and we are part of the change....that makes me feel good that some other family won't have to go thru all we did. I just hope I can be looked at as a strong advocate instead of a troublemaker. :)

More later to my faithful blog followers...
(not a novel yet)
Tracy

Oct. 15, 2006 7:21-am call to Germany

Sunday:
Started out the day with a phone call to Germany to check up on Rodney. The nurses overall have been amazing and more than happy to speak with me and discuss Rodney's medical status. This am I spoke with SPC Pilotte, she stated that:

1) Rod was very agitated and restless during his sleep (picking at things that weren't there etc.)*this was really hard to hear

2)Stated that due to his state of confusion they had taken him for a cat scan-initial results looked good.

3.)He was complaining of pain where he had abdominal surgery-medicating with Tylenol 3

4.)On anitbiotics x2 for respitory infection and for infection control of his open wounds

5.)That the goal was to get him up in a chair today

6.)I asked to have liason from the hospital to call me-I had already requested this so this was the 2nd time. She stated she had left a message for him to call-supposed to around 12pm Germany time.

5.)No solid food yet-just ice chips

6.) he would be flying out on Tuesday-unless they had other patients who had more critical needs and needed the spot on the plane.

7.)to call back later and I could probably speak with Rodney

The rest of my day consisted of going to church which was a nice but a bit overwelming with everyone asking questions and looking at me with sad faces. I tend to get emotional during service normally-but most definatly the place I needed to be on that day and time. Met the wonderful woman-Rene' Evans who was bringing dinner to us this evening.

When I returned home after church I listened to my messages on the home phone-(this was the first time I had left and no one was there to take phone calls)I had missed a really important call that I had been waiting for, for over 2 days-the call from Rodney's commander Major Gonzales. He did call me back from Iraq at approx. 2pm central time. I was had so many questions for him:

1)I wanted to know what happened: all he could tell me was that "25 soldiers were standing around the command post area,inside the FOB, so no one had body armour on-there were 4 injured, Rod was knocked unconsious and wounded the most seriously." He also state because of Operational Security he could only say "they made contact".

2.) I wanted to know WHY he contacted my inlaws and not me-because I knew Rodney had me listed as his contact person. (I am his wife!!!) He stated "I made the decision not to inform you after seeing you upset in the airport when we left" (ok this is a real touchy issue with me-I was upset but who wouldn't be-I was crying, the kids were crying but we weren't hysterical) He also said I had gotten sick in Mississippi before they left for Iraq because Rodney was leaving-(also a situation where he did not have all the information-he judged and made assumptions after only meeting me briefly 2 times)-
So I wasn't really happy with his answers and didn't feel I had gained much information, but with him being Rodney's commander I trusted he was doing his job and showed him respect. (As this story goes on you will find out why I lost all respect for him and we have issues with him to this very minute)

I did have a my 2nd conversation with Rodney after speaking with his nurse Capt. Zebb around 10:30pm central time-

He stated Rodney had given them a really difficult time during the catscan (made me wonder what he was thinking they were doing to him?),described Rodney's leg wounds in more detail-stating that one was 1 1/2 inches deep and the other 1 onch deep. I told him the liason had not contacted me as of yet, he would follow up on that he said.Flight on Tuesday scheduled for 2 pm departure and it is about a 10 hour flight (wow) The conversation with rodney was better than Saturday-but he still was really out of it. He spoke for a few minutes with Carley and Connor-which thrilled them to death. He was very weepy, emotional and apologizing. I reassured him and told him I would be with him soon. (getting so frustrating I just want to see him and be there to take care of him). I asked him "test" guestions-such as our address, my name, our anniversary, the kids names... he passed! The nurse had stated earlier that rodney didn't know who the President was-so I wanted to see for myself how confused he was-but this was a conversation he still cannot recall to this day. Glad I wrote all this down:)

sorry this is out of order-I didn't want to start over....

In the afternoon the Pastor came by and prayed with carley and I-as well as listened to our concerns, emotions, and offered comfort and suggestions. He suggested scripture Matthew 21;18-21.
*I look back on all that occured during this time and wonder where was Connor and taylor or how was I just going about my business-but you do what you have to do to get thru it with having faith it will be ok. During this I am spending a great amount of time on the phone trying to get travel orders-since no one could really tell me at the time what the process was.

More of the continuing saga later-
Imagining and Believing
Tracy

More of the story-stil Oct. 14, 2006

(I will try and finish up this really long day and pretty frustrating day.

The nurse from Germany did say one thing that didn't set right with me-when I mentioned Rodney being Army National Guard-His reaction was "OHHH he isn't real army"-what does that mean? They are fighting in the same war, from the same country, they wear the same uniform and they work/fight side-by-side. Not sure what this means in the whole scheme of things but hopefully he still get the same medical treatment!

The Chaplin did come to the house and visited with me and other members of the family. It was a very informational visit and spiritually it helped a great deal.
I really liked him-Chaplin Larry Parrish was one of the first people from the military to show sincere compassion during this process.

Went to Connor's soccer game-he had a really good game and it was great to get out among people for awhile. I got lots of hugs :)
After the game I had a house full again-mostly family. I called Germany to see about having the phone held up to Rodney's ear and was told they couldn't and wouldn't do that-I was told earlier in the day differently-it sent me over the edge.
I got very upset and felt nothing was in my control-I just wanted someone to hear me to know I needed help and everyone was looking at me like I was acting irrational.. I probably was but who wouldn't in a similar situation-my husband was wounded and in a foreign country, I ended up leaving my house to drive around-I recieved a phone call on my cell from a high ranking officer in the KS National Guard (I can't remember his name but I am sure he remembers mine)-Not one of my prouder moments...
The issue was me being able to speak TO my husband even if he was sedated and on a respirator-this person told me there was no way Rodney could hear me-I asked him if he had a medical degree and told him that rank didn't matter to me especially when I felt he was not showing me respect by validating my feelings and hung up on him-I was really in a bad place!
My sister called and did the most amazing thing-she asked me what can I do? Just tell me what you need me to do and what you want to do? I needed that so much!!! Thank you Lisa! By the time I got home everyone but my mom, sister and 2 of my children were home. What did I tell her I wanted? A nap and for someone to man the phones-and only wake me if it was news about Rodney.
I finally did get to talk to my husband 8 hours later (approx. 10:15pm our time) and it was such a gift! He was just off the respirator and it was a pretty one sided conversation but even hearing his voice being raspy was amazing.-He kept falling asleep on the phone but in between kept telling me how much he loved me and the kids and how sorry he was he got hurt.
The one really strange thing he asked was "did you get my letter?" I told him no not yet-I had asked him for so long to write me a letter-he had told me earlier in the week before he was wounded he had written one-but I had no idea he actually had sent it from Iraq (My husband says alot of things just to apease me-LOL). It seemed strange-but even stranger when I realized a few days later he did not remember even talking to me or the kids the first couple times. The mind is a most mysterious place-why did he remember the letter but couldn't tell the nurse who the president was? (I recieved his letter on the following Tuesday-5 days after he was wounded-I will treasure it forever). No matter what the first time speaking to him was a gift and made me believe he would be ok-now I just had to get to him.
To be continued...
Sorry so long-again I hope it makes some sense :.)
T-