A Song Brought It Back..

I cried today-I cried like I did so many times while Rodney was deployed, when he was so far away from home, so far away from me. That time from June 6 until October 12,2006 is a part of my life in which I was sure my heart would break in two. Music was something I relied strongly on during this time-there are so many songs that I related to.Most of them sad songs about missing someone-which I was! I avoid those songs a lot now-but sometimes they play and catch me off guard-like today- I sobbed just like I would when he was deployed even though I loved the songs and in some ways the music was the only thing that comforted me. I am one of those people that recalls how old I was, where I was, what I was doing by the music that was playing on the radio. I heard one of the songs today: "Here Without You" by 3 Doors Down.
It brought back those memories-and what do I remember...

I had no real idea how much I loved my husband until he was gone-and not a daily part of our family. I lived for phone calls, emails, cards & letters, instant messages-any kind of contact was what I lived for. I felt like a lost teenage girl again-in love but unable to be with the object of my affection. When we did see each other on leave and visits-it was incredible and so special.

My life during deployment turned into a chance for me to grow as a person-I cleaned, organized, decorated my house, learned a lot about Iraq on the Internet :), I was learning to be an army wife. I took much better care of myself because I wanted him to come home to me and be proud of me. I joined a gym, I got spray on tans, I bought new clothes and I got a tattoo. I thought of him constantly-care packages (which I loved putting together for him!)made videos and cd's for him, I wrote letter & emails, I took 2 trips to see him in Mississippi in 3 months. I was so focused on making our life the best when he finally returned home.

Weird now to look back-I was growing and I was so in love during a period where I worried, cried and waited-and waited. I had my kids(they were such a comfort and made me laugh when I needed to)-I had to keep going-I knew the deployment would be over-there was a ending to it even if 12-15 months felt like an eternity.
Now I am still waiting for my husband to return home-even though he lives here.
Thing is that those people (the deployment Rodney and Tracy) don't exist any longer-that makes me sad. We were good to each other and for each other.

So I actually now look back at deployment as a hard thing, but it was a time where I also had so much hope and I was still innocent and naive to the ways of the Army world. So even though I cry when a song plays it makes me remember how the heart did grow fonder when he was away. We can't forget..how much we missed each other.

We will make it through this and come out stronger on the other side. I have to believe that-maybe I need to find a song that helps me believe that.


Trying to Keep Imagining!
Tracy

Not Going to Louisiana!

Rodney just came home after a long day at the armoury getting all the paperwork together for the unit to go to Louisiana in the am. Rodney is not able to go due to his condition-he has a cpap machine (there will no electricity in the tents), he can't lift or be in a vehicle for 24 hours with his legs the way they still are,and he also has an issue with bleeding heavily still when cut at all (bled for 25 minutes from a bug bite on his ear?? the other day). So his Lt. Col. said you are not going Spc. Price you still have issues! He will be working at the rear-detachment while the unit is gone. He is happier tonight-he was really stressed out and worried. Thank you for all the thoughts and prayers.
Tommorow we start the fight to find out when and what is going to happen with him-disability or temp retired list or whatever is supposed to happen.
Keep Imagining!
Tracy

Gustav Assistance

3:40pm update: I just spoke with Rodney and they are still in Kansas preparing to go-paperwork, yada, yada, yada... I asked him if they were for sure going and he said they were leaving tommorow and it would be about a 24 hour drive in military vehicles-after looking at the news online I am not seeing why they would be going still. I really don't want him to go due to health issues still outstanding-but with it being Labor Day there is no one with any say so around. Just have to wait and see what happens.

Rodney just left to go with his National Guard unit to the gulf area to do damage control and help out in any way they can. We were very surprised he was called up to go since he still have so many issues with his wounds from 20 months ago but he is on his way with a temp. profile stating he can do less than the normal soldier would be expected to do. Kind of a strange feeling having him leave in uniform again and go some where on orders after everything that has happened and is still happening with trying to get his medical condition taken care of. That will be on hold for now. Pray for the safety of the soldiers and those who live in the gulf area especially in New Orleans. I will keep you all updated as I know more about the units status as they help out with damage done by Gustav.
Keep Imagining!
Tracy

The "Old" US

I recently came across these 3 pictures that my mother-in-law had taken on the day Rodney left with his unit on deployment. Seeing them was so surreal,I don't even remember being in any pictures-so to see us all as the family we were on that emotional,scary day back in June 2006 is like looking at other people in a way. We won't ever be those people again. We have been wounded and reshaped but also have overcome adversity and have become stronger. We are still looking for that new normal, but I realize that most things in life that aren't in our control whether it be sickness, a financial devastation,a death of a loved one, a car accident and so many more tragic life experiences always make us look for the new normal-Life is just messy! The big question for my family now is what do we do from here..let it define us or overcome and realize that even if we want to forget how hard things have been, the experience will always be a part of us-but we just need to keep moving forward. Ok enough of my insight for today. Hug your family and always remember to...Keep Imagining!



Looking back to learn how to move forward!
Tracy