Blog family: Good & Bad

Three years ago I discovered and jumped into the world of Blogging.

I wanted a way to share what my life and the lives of my family had changed since my husband, a soldier was wounded in combat on October 12, 2006. I wanted to connect possibly with others like me who were going down the same crazy road ...to help them and possibly in turn help me, since being the wife/caregiver of a wounded warrior was a foreign place with no map.I was so lost! I wroted about all the challenges and walls we were having to climb, I spoke about my feelings, I shared my children and I tried to make sense of a life that was confusing, and to be honest literally making me a very sad and angry person. I believe my blog helped save my sanity and was there at any hour of the day. BUT....the most amazing thing I found were people to walk the journey with me.....

I found much more than i could have ever expected out there in cyberspace....I found a blog family. They live all over the country and most don't or didn't have any real military connection, but they were always there. They have cried with me, given me advice, prayed with me and for my family, made me laugh and most of all made feel like I mattered and I wasn't crazy...LOL!
Thank you to all of you...you know who you are...we have followed each other onto facebook, and I have even had the pleasure of meeting one of my blog friends :)this last spring.

I have followed your lives and tried to reciprocate by being there when you need prayers and strength. That's the part that makes us a family...sharing the good and the bad. i hope you didn't feel as I deserted you when I stopped writing daily, then weekly, then monthly and then hardly ever...

I have not been a participating blog writer....I have several reasons for that...all of them aren't good enough for me to give up writing and sharing our journey. Definitely not good enough to not keep in touch by reading the blogs of my "Blog Family".
As tomorrow is Rodney's 4th "Alive Day"...the day he was wounded, the day he survived. I plan on sharing more often...because I want to, need to and have so much to tell you all..good and bad!

Trying to Keep Imagining!

Tracy

A Connection ...Army Spouse to Army Spouse.

I wanted to share an email I received after a reader found my blog and read it. She then contacted me through email. It was awesome! The reasons I started this blog in October 2007 were many, but the main one being to connect with others in our situation. I was so desperate back then to share information and to gain knowledge.

I have really not been a faithful blogger for some time now. Couple reasons...one I felt like I was being censored by people who felt I was sharing too much, so I guess I gave in.Also I developed a trigger to my secondary PTSD, which was using the computer. I think that happened...sorry I analyze everything...since every since Rodney was deployed the Internet was my lifeline to what was happening over in Iraq as well as when he returned home after being wounded...it was my way of searching, and locating information. I became obsessed and would have anxiety attacks on a normal basis. I had to back away a little...so Facebook became my means of contact with my blogger friends. Ok I am way off subject...

Below is the email letter I received and then responded to. Now I remember why I Blog!

Dear Tracy,

I enjoyed reading your Blog, I found you as a follower of the "Wife of a Wounded Soldier" Blog.

A few days ago I felt compelled to start my own Blog. As the spouse of a combat veteran suffering from PTSD and TBI I realized the unique challenges I face on a daily basis.

I would be honored if you would read my new Blog “The Combat Veteran Spouse - Living in the Shadow of PTSD” I would love to know your thoughts.

http://combatvetspouse.blogspot.com/

The war in Iraq is churning out thousands of young men and women who are returning home changed forever. For those that live with them, the transformation in their loved one can be overwhelming. There is no handbook accompanying the returning veteran, and if there was it would read “Dear spouse……you are now the proud recipient of returning veteran whose mind, body and soul have been changed forever. Forget what you knew about them before they were deployed….oh, and good luck finding a support group near you that deals exclusively in the trials and challenges you are about to face!”


Thank you so much for your time....and please feel free to share this link with others.
Warmest Regards,
D</em>

My response:
Dear D,
I appreciate you contacting as well as reading my blog. I do not keep it as updated as much as I feel I should, but I am thankful it is there when I need it. It was a lifesaver when I needed one within the vast sea of the unknown and craziness of dealing with our "new" normal. I made many great blog friends over the last 2 plus years, who I still keep in touch with through facebook and email. I hope your blog is as therapeutic to you as mine has been to me.

I did go to your blog and read your latest entry. It hit me hard, as I read about the different medications your spouse takes. (We have our list on the fridge just in case we have to grab it for a trip to the ER.) Then I read about the self-medicating with alcohol. That is where I went into my own secondary PTSD mode and most likely why I don't read blogs like I used to. Your situation though is so familiar. You see my husband spent almost 3 months inpatient at the VA for substance abuse, coping and all the other stuff he needed to deal with emotionally. He was diagnosed as bi-polar. He came home a week prior to Christmas and it has been different, I guess I can even say better. It took a long time to get him to this point. Over the last year that was the 2nd time for treatment.. I am hopeful but not stupid. The thing is now I can truly see the extent of the TBI and PTSD which was being masked by the alcohol and over use of his prescription drugs. If he could have controlled the alcohol I wouldn't have been opposed to him using it-he has been through hell. The deal is that due to the alcohol on top of everything else he had gotten 2 DUI's, lost his license, lost his job of 13 years (he is national guard),had major court costs we couldn't afford, was constantly lying, had started acting out and having inappropriate behavior at our son's sporting activities. There was also the anger issues and chaos within our home. So as you can see your post hit me hard.

This was stuff that happened over time but it got to the point I couldn't deal anymore. I am grateful for our time apart and for his recovery. We have a relationship where I am his wife, friend as well as caregiver but I respect him and understand him more now. I don't feel bitter or look for ways to get out of the craziness of the marriage. I had an attitude 180, for that I am thankful.

Thanks for letting me share-I probably should have blogged something like that..LOL. Maybe I will use it. It took strength to reach out to me and I am here if you need an ear.

As you said the military doesn't tell us how to do what we do. The way I have found to find the resources and information is to search like crazy, ask a lot of questions and develop relationships with other wife's with wounded warriors. The Wounded Warrior project and the site www.notalone.com has been to of the best organizations I have found. So I guess what I am saying sharing information and our stories is what we CAN do!

I will follow your blog and feel free to comment or email anytime. As far as your blog goes there is not right or wrong, just write what feels right. Readers will find you. Use the tags at the bottom of each blog entry. Comment on other's blogs. Best of Luck!
Tracy

So I hope you all check out D's blog and keep coming back to mine, your support is so appreciated.
Trying to Keep Imagining!
Tracy