2010 in the rearview mirror....December!!!

Happy 2011 to all:
I figured I would attempt to go back and look at 2010. It was a year of my life like any other; ups and downs, packing & unpacking,challenges and successes, happiness and sadness, hello's and goodbyes ...well you get it. I hope this will somewhat make-up for not being a faithful blogger :)
 Going backwards from December to January...let's do this thing!

December: The holiday season was here again and once again.. I got off to a late and slow start. I was wrapping all the gifts on Christmas eve, even the ones to be opened in a few short hours. The good was I only went out shopping three times, so except for the reindeer that poops out jellybeans, I didn't not lose any gifts or forget where I hid them. Rodney even remembered the day after Christmas,where he had put the DVD's he had bought for the family..SHREK..yeah! It's how we rock it around here...we just go with it. I actually had a great birthday out and a laid back Christmas.
I received some nice things like my little Shark vaccuum and books! My kids seemed to be appreciative of what they got...which is always nice!
Rodney once again entered treatment on Dec. 28 and will be there for 6 weeks. He seems to be taking everything more seriously and paying attention on coping skills and his triggers. The month of December gave our extended family 2 new baby girls. Rodney's cousin, Anna, had Noelle Ann and my niece Aubrey and her husband Chris, brought my great-niece and the first great-grandchild into the world on Dec. 30th. Harper RaeAnn Davis is the talk of the town and tomorrow I get to go meet her for the first time! I am ubber excited!! Connor and I took a roadtrip to south-east Iowa for New Year's eve to visit my friend Michelle (she is also a wounded vet caregiver) and her family. It was a long trip, but gave Connor and I some one-on-one time...not a bad thing for the mom of a 13 year old. We were each other's captive audience :).  The downside to this December was my Aunt Linda getting seriously sick with liver disease. We thought we were losing her a couple different times, but she is a fighter. Now we are waiting to get her on the liver transplant list. My mom has really stepped up to help get her there as she lives alone and isn't in any shape to being doing that. So like I said ups and downs....but mostly just living life and showing the love by being there for each other.

Trying to Keep Imagining! Tracy

Off Active duty and Waiting for Answers

This is one of those posts that is really difficult for me to write because even thinking about the craziness of military system upsets me and I can feel myself going into panic mode. I hoped that this side of the battle would be easier and we would have guidance from some entity but unfortunately that isn't the case. Rodney has talked to many people in different capacities over the last 2 weeks and everyone has a different answer. What are our questions? Simple one..What happens to him now?
The others are about the ratings of disability for his wounds? Does he receive two ratings? One from the VA side and one from the Army? How are these ratings decided? What is the criteria for fit for duty? He has been deemed "Fit for Duty" but with a permanent profile limiting what he can do physically. My biggest question is can he be re-deployed? (remember he has a piece of shrapnel inside his heart) Rodney goes back and forth with with the deployment issue-he wants to but know how difficult everything has been due to it and being wounded. I of course fear it with my whole being! I worry about the follow up medical issues through the VA alot. We have heard so many nightmare stories-but also have heard the situation is getting better. I feel like somehow we have done something wrong over the course of the last year and a half and no one wants to speak with us. We have never to this day met another family with a wounded soldier. I feel like a freak!
I am starting to see Rodney floundering, his PTSD kicking up-he has had the military connection the whole time with working at the armoury-now he is going back to his civilian job. It is all so weird-we are in the same place we were over 2 years ago except now my husband has been to war, been wounded, and now we go back to square one?? We had started the process of buying a home but have had to put that on hold due to not knowing what he will receive in disability and we can't qualify without that extra income.
What a mess! I just want to scream because Rodney is in the place where he has to handle most of the phone calls and follow up-I can't help it seems. We argue a lot about what is happening, who he should call etc.. I am so distrustful due to the history-from day one it has been like this-a true battle. We are so tired. I wish I knew what to do. Please keep the prayers coming!
Keep Imagining!
Tracy

The "Old" US

I recently came across these 3 pictures that my mother-in-law had taken on the day Rodney left with his unit on deployment. Seeing them was so surreal,I don't even remember being in any pictures-so to see us all as the family we were on that emotional,scary day back in June 2006 is like looking at other people in a way. We won't ever be those people again. We have been wounded and reshaped but also have overcome adversity and have become stronger. We are still looking for that new normal, but I realize that most things in life that aren't in our control whether it be sickness, a financial devastation,a death of a loved one, a car accident and so many more tragic life experiences always make us look for the new normal-Life is just messy! The big question for my family now is what do we do from here..let it define us or overcome and realize that even if we want to forget how hard things have been, the experience will always be a part of us-but we just need to keep moving forward. Ok enough of my insight for today. Hug your family and always remember to...Keep Imagining!



Looking back to learn how to move forward!
Tracy

In a Holding Pattern and Feeling Defeated

I haven't wrote much about our life now and how we are dealing with being a family with a "wounded solider"? Where are we in the process? How does this still affect us on a daily basis? What could still happen? Have we been forgotten and do we have all the information and resources available? Is the system for wounded warriors working any better? These are all such emotional topics for me to tackle especially when I don't even know what questions to ask anymore nor who even to ask.
What I do know (or think I know?)---Rodney's situation is this: he is still on Medhold-which means he is still being treated by doctor's for his injuries or symptoms due to the mortar attack, as of today we are at least looking until June 2008. There are many issues still unresolved. He hasn't been released nor has he been rated for his injuries for any sort of disability from the military or VA. He is still considered on active duty with orders from the federal govt. so he is being paid by the Department of Defense. While he is on Medhold he can't be promoted. He can't go back to his civilian job which actually pays more. (there are actually a lot of can't do's) He is part of the Kansas National Guard but not to the point where they have any say over what happens to him in the system-he is commanded by the unit that handles medhold out of Ft. Robinson, in Arkansas where he spent 3 days in Dec. 2006. He works at the armoury close to home but they aren't in charge of him really either. So essentially we as a family of a wounded solider are out here in limbo. He is supposed to be a part of programs like AW2 (wounded warrior)but that hasn't happened. We were told that we qualified last summer??After countless phone calls and emails no response. We have been ignored and avoided more often than not...It is emotionally exhausting as well as confusing. Sometimes I think parts of the system think we will give up since it is so time consuming and so difficult to navigate thru. I am sure many do give up.
Soooo what happens when we need answers to a question or for that matter any kind of assistance. Well we start asking and calling whomever will listen. We get forgotten or passed over a lot. We have been promised many times results or actions that didn't happen. I have said so many times to people I just wish people would do their JOBS! I am so pessimistic about when someone offers help or advice and I hate being like that. It is now to the point that I really don't want anything to do with the Army. I will admit I am so distrustful. At one point I wanted to make a difference-to somehow fix the system. I don't think that is even possible most days. I just don't understand-why does it all have to be so hard! We have never been sent to a support group for wounded warrior families nor do we know if one even exists.We don't have a peer group or others to turn to to say hey what did you do??? We are struggling as a couple but do not really know where to turn other than the private sector for counseling but that doesn't always take in the 'military factor's of our unique situation. I know Rodney is a solider and he did what he did because he is patriotic. I have stood by him through this 24/7 and am very proud of his sacrifices but I believe we deserve more as a family-not recognition, nor parades or ceremonies-we deserve a system that takes care of our needs that are based on the sacrifices he made as well as the other four of us. We deserve to know what is going on. We deserve the emotional support in so many ways. We deserve fair disability pay. We have had so many groups, organizations, and individuals step up throughout this last 15 months-and we wouldn't have made it without them.We are so thankful, grateful and humbled. These organizations are taxed though-there are so many others seeking their help. We have pretty much exhausted our resources. We have exhausted ourselves. Our family is starting to sink, to drown and to suffer with no where to turn. I don't understand how the military can continue to stand back and watch the families of the wounded destroyed.

But it is happening to us...we are losing the battle...we are growing apart so I ask for help from Rodney's case manager whom is in Arkansas. The topic is private but I will say it is something that took me a lot of courage to call about. Rodney didn't want the help but I know it was needed. She was the one I turned to for the first time about a very important family matter-she basically said the Army couldn't help-we were on our own. So what now??? I have no idea other than praying (which never hurts :))-and getting on with my life without the Army as much as I can?? It hurts too bad to be constantly disappointed in system that is supposed to be there. At least that is how I feel? Army Strong...Not so sure!
Sorry to be do negative but I needed to get it out and let you all know what the system looks like and how there is so much room for improvement.
I suppose this all sounds like ranting and raving-maybe even selfish and ungrateful.
If that is the impression-you have not been in my shoes-and I wouldn't want you to have to be. If you are then you do know and I would love to hear from you.
I really need to know we are not alone-I am not alone as the only national guard wife of a wounded solider on medhold!
So our holding pattern continues but I hope every day to be able to take control of my own life in some way so as not to be defeated. I will admit sometimes I don't want any part of this all anymore.All I know is I am so tired of spinning my wheels and getting no where. I guess for today I do give up...Hopefully tommorow I will feel differently and feel up to fighting the fight for us!

I will try to Keep Imagining and praying (please do the same for all of us in this situation)Thanks for listening!
Tracy

Ideas to Help Troops and their Families

I have been checking the websites I list on the sidebar of this blog to see if their were any updates and I thought I would mention that if you are looking for a charitable organization to make a donation to each and every one of them is an awesome choice.

The military assistance organizations we have been helped by and still continue to receive aid from are all non-profit and run solely on donations. They make up for what is not provided( in our case wounded soldier still on med hold) by the government. I cannot say thanks enough to the groups that provide these services-we would most likely be homeless without them.

So please take a moment and check them out and if you can make a donation during the holiday season-It will very much appreciated by these hardworking groups as well as the service members and their families it impacts the most.

I did come across a really cool site if you know a family who is in the military and you would like to gift them with GROCERIES-something they can always use. The site is www.commissaries.com and the go to gift of groceries.

Thanks for being a supporter of the Troops and their families.

Tracy Price

Army Wife

The Georgia Experience Continued...healing,dealing and a new discovery

(Picture of Wound Vac used on wound on Rodney's leg)

For all those patient readers..I am finally back on track with the story after Rodney was wounded (Please look back from the beginning for those new readers!)

Sunday, October 22, 2006- Nothing very eventful but to be honest the days really ran together while Rod was in the hospital. I do know the weekends were much slower paced. Trying to get Rodney more mobile. He has a medical device called a wound vac
helping the large soft tissue wound on his inner right thigh heal. It is an awesome innovation! I can't even begin to explain how it works other than it heals the wound from the inside out (which is what we need to happen) and it the sponge like material inside the wound has silver in it which has healing properties. It seems to be doing its job.The wound originally was about an 1/2 inch deep but as you could have laid a pop can lengthwise in it. It has shrunk some already. The other wound is deeper but smaller around and actually most likely was the more serious of the two probably nicking the femoral artery. He is so lucky to have had the guys around him he did when the mortar attack happened. They kept him from bleeding out and did all the right things. I can never say thank you enough! Rodney is in pretty good spirits with emotional moments to be expected. He has had a lot to deal with.

Monday, October 23, 2006
OK-when I said weekends were slower paced-I wasn't kidding. On my walk over this morning I could tell by the number of cars in the parking lot and the amount of people going in and out of the building-the hop ital was hopping!

I was met in the hallway after walking in the building by one of Rod's medvac case managers. The first thing she said to me was that Rodney needed surgery-heart surgery. I was a little freaked and confused about what had happened. When I got to the room I found out that there was a new issue but surgery wasn't for sure thing.
During a cat scan the doctor's discovered something foreign in the heart-they are speculating at this point and will be running more tests to find out what it is. Very scary stuff. An echo is planned and then most likely a surgery to remove it.
Rodney is adamant that they are not cracking his chest open! I am trying to stay calm and wait to see what the doctors say. I just can't figure out why this wasn't caught before-he has had numerous cat scans in the last week or so???
He is also dealing with more pain today and his white blood cell count is high and has been for a couple days. They say most likely a sign of some sort of infection.
They removed the staples from his abdominal surgery site today and placed surgical strips instead. Rodney and I have had our moments of butting heads today-I think we both are under some STRESS!!! It is hard-I have waited so long to see him and hug him and with his injuries it is hard to even hug him. I want him to know he can talk to me about anything-he seems so closed off. I did get a call from his dr. in my room later. He has been researching what to do about the piece of metal in Rod's heart and from that research and talking to other doc's he feels that we will leave it in unless it is protruding from the muscle into one of the chambers. They have a procedure scheduled on Tuesday to hopefully get a better image. They are thinking it is a small (2cm) piece of jagged, shrapnel. The big question is one we will most likely never know the answer to is how did it get there without killing him? According to the dr's it is a very rare case and something that they can't really explain.
Alot of probably's, and most likely, maybe, we hope etc..not what we want to hear but after all he is alive and shouldn't be but through God's intervention and grace he is...so who can argue with that.

I also started making phone calls today about when Rodney would receive his Purple Heart. They many times give it to the soldiers at bedside but we would like to wait until we get home and all the family can be there. So just trying to figure all that out too as well as what happens when he is released (which after today's news it won't be as soon as we thought)

Enough for today...
Tracy, Superman's wife

Rodney and Army buddies from the 714th SECFOR

The "Wounds from the War" still sneaking up on us

I have spent a great deal of last evening and today contemplating how to approach this particular post. I am taken aback by how I didn't realize how 'much" our lives are changed forever not just because of my husband's scars or medical issues-the repercussion's reach so much deeper than that.

I had posted in a earlier post about my son, Connor and his struggles. I wanted to update on what has been occurring, what we have found our so far and how he is doing.
I need to say that I do not by any means believe my son is a "bad boy'-he is not by any stretch of the imagination. I love this kid who has been such a blessing to me-he has taught me more than I can ever say. He is an awesome soccer goalie, he loves his sisters so much and he is so strong... he has endured so much especially with all that occurred in his short life. He was only a few short weeks past his 9th birthday when his daddy was deployed. He was so sad that day as we all were, but now looking back I realize just how sad he did act. He was sad to the core of his soul as well as most likely so confused. I remember the moment his dad's bus, headed for training in Mississippi, turned the corner and was then out of sight after the send off ceremony. I looked at him and asked if he would like to go and get breakfast-he said "No Mom, I just want to go home"-he looked so defeated.
He wasn't like this most of time during the deployment or even after his dad was wounded-most of the time he was a 9 year old boy who played, tried to annoy his sisters, talked to his dad on the phone and seemed to be doing well for a kid whose dad was deployed, but yet we had no idea what was normal or abnormal. As a family we were just trying to do the best we could in an abnormal situation. I didn't deal well a lot of the time with Rodney being gone or with the idea of him going to war, but I know I tried for my family. I do wish I had had more of a support system in place with others in my same situation close by. I tried to put my kids first always and look for signs or issues. Connor had an amazing 4th grade teacher that made all the difference in the world to him as well as me-I knew she was watching out for him. I put together videos and slideshows for Rodney and included what the kids were doing and even taped them talking to him. After Rodney was wounded life got really messy and complicated-there was nothing close to normal except we did have to live our lives day in and day out like everyone else: we had holiday celebrations, the kids had their activities,my oldest was preparing to graduate and go to college and Rodney was healing. But ... I missed seeing Connor's pain-I looked and he had behavior issues at home but nothing really new-just Connor (he has always had a high need for attention :)- So now I realize when we are starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel and not every waking moment is spent thinking about some aspect of our situation-BOOM... My Son's feelings, worries, fear and pain come out full force-and I didn't see it coming.

He is now under the care of a dr. whom is doing tests. He saw a counselor whom I have been seeing myself and he finally opened up and said this is what is going on:
He was so scared for so long and he is mad at all that happened. He had no control-so his "PTSD" is just now manifesting itself in inappropriate behavior, anger and difficulties in school. I cannot imagine what has been going on in his head-he had to feel so alone and confused. Now he is heading into pre-teenhood and he has so many feelings and emotions he cannot cope. So now we know-and another part of the journey has begun. We as his parents know we have to be so much more diligent than we have been in being there for him even when he pushes us away and to keep him talking to counselors,etc.. We will do whatever it takes to help him..and he does know that. Last night he said to me with a SMILE on his face..."Mom, I feel so much better after talking to (Micheal) the counselor-I feel happier." that all I want for him to be happy-for him to know he is loved and he is special and people do care, God cares and he will be ok!
I know we will always have things come up and we will wonder is this related to the 'war" experience-but all families have their own "chaos" to deal with right? We will survive this and so will Connor with the help we have set up as well as from us being more aware and focused.

That is a step in the right direction.... Put prayers for good things to happen for Connor and for him to feel it is ok to be a kid and enjoy life would be a good thing. He has had to do without because of financial issues and other priorities, sometimes I am sure he felt forgotten-I truly wish I could say yes we can go to Toys-R-Us and buy you that toy-but for now I can't. He is to young to worry about so many adult issues. He is a child wounded by war and he doesn't even live near a war zone. He is one of the little "heros". (don't tell him I said he was little :).
I wish I could fix it all for him as well as my husband,and our daughters but I am doing all I can do. Please pray financially things turn around for us-we need that so much to move forward and go on with our plan for our life. I appreciate all that have shown their love and support thru this last week or so on this site as well as others-It has made a difference. As I have said before I love to hear from you....

Thanks for listening
Love to all
Mother of Connor a brave and amazing young man.
Tracy

Looking back-Friday Oct. 13, 2006

Still more from my little purple journal of knowledge :)

I was called by a Sgt. Major Rubio from the Kansas National Guard. It is my understanding that he is the person that will be serving as my liason from the state, keeping me informed of any changes or developments. He gave me the name of the Chaplin for the KS National Guard to contact.

Friday was pretty much a blur-making phone call,recieving phone calls, informing others, PRAYING, friends and family coming in and out. My friend Tina (and Connor's schools PTO President) brought by an amazing gift from the PTO (gift cards from almost all the resteraunts and the grocery store in town) as well as sandwiches, chips, pop etc..) Our friends the moll's brought by dinner. It feels so good and comforting to know so many care about our family.

I held together fairly well-a few crying spells. My mom was at the house contantly so I was able to take a nap in the afternoon-but I got up in a panic thinking about Rodney and wondering if he is in pain and scared. I know so little about his care and want to be with him so badly. My mom stayed the night-which was so great. No matter how old we get in times like these we need our mama's.:) We watched tv and talked-Connor spent the night with Rodney's parents and Carley went to a planned youth group weekend activity. Taylor was out with friends. Good for all of them to stay busy.

I still don't know anythiong about the incident. I do know that Rodney will most likely be in Germany for up to 3 days and it is about a 6 hour trip from Iraq by transport plane. Everything about this is so surreal-

10/15/2006-so as I look back I can remember still feeling confident that things would be handled smoothly, and I would know soon about the timetable for traveling to be with Rodney as well as what happened to him in Iraq. I am starting to get more agitated and confused as to why his commander went against protocol and did not contact me directly (his wife instead of his parents and sibling). More later...
T-

Rodney's Wounds from a mortar attack

(pic of Rodney's chest showing where shrapnel entered his body. I love that the pic shows the special dog tag I had ordered I gave him with a pic of him and Connor as well as my "little engagement ring he always wore on his dogtags :) )The wounds Rodney sustained from a mortar attack on Camp Marez in Mosul,Iraq after only being in country, boots on the ground for 42 days-
Some of the details of Rodney's wounds I knew when I found out the news and when I was officially notified by the Dept. of Army (DA) while others I found out over the next week and a half.

He had soft tissue wounds to both legs from the shrapnel fragments. The wound on his left leg was up high on his hip flexer. It was approx. the size of a babyfood jar lid and went clear to the bone. He lost a great deal of blood due to this wound and didn't bleed out only because one of the other soldiers put his knee and body weight on the wound to slow the bleeding. The wound on his left leg was located in the inner thigh area-it was much larger (you couldv'e layed a pop can in it-but not nearly as deep or life threatening). He had shrapnel wounds to the chest area-which in turn penetrated his lung and caused a collapsed lung as well as the chest cavity filling with blood. He had lost consiousness upon the blast happening but woke up and was aware most of the the time the medics and other soldiers were working with him before he was able to be transferred to the small base hospital. He wa taken into surgery for his lung issues, cleaning up of other wounds and he had exploratory abdominal surgery. He was put on a respirator. He was heavily sedated-drug induced coma and medvaced out of Mosul to Landstuhl, Germany-Army Hosptial with in a 36 hour period.(keep in mind Iraq is 8 hours ahead of us-central time)-After Landstuhl he was flown to DC and spent 2 days at a medical facility at Andrew Airforce Base then was sent to Eisenhower Army Hospital at Fort Gordon in Augusta, GA. While there a small piece of shrapnel was discovered during a routine CT-this piece was located in the center of his heart, in the muscle,between the four chambers. It was decided by the medical staff to leave it since it would most likely cause more damage to the heart to go in a remove it. The doctors were amazed and he shouldn't be here due to that one wound-he is a case study and there isn't many previous cases to use as research. The normal protocol for shrapnel in the body is to leave it (he has many small pieces throught his chest area and legs still today-that may or may not work their way out from underneath the skin by themselves over the years.) Rodney also suffers from PTSD, depression and possible TBI (tramamtic brain injury. He also has a few other medical issues due to the incident. He is still under the care of many doctors and is still on what they call "medhold". He goes to work for the Army everyday and continues to be a proud, patriotic soldier.

I believe Rodney is here by the grace of God- He is our Superman!

Tracy