Monday, December 10, 2007

Christmas Time Blues

It is about 18 degrees here in Kansas today!!!! We have had icy weather and are due for more tonight. Did I ever mention I dislike Winter Weather!!!!
I have been meaning to get on here and update for a few days now, but to be honest I just haven't felt much like doing it. I don't feel like there is much worth writing about that is upbeat and positive. I have had more good days lately than bad so hopefully I will get in my "groove" sooner than later. I feel so out of the loop and forgotten. We have only received 2 Christmas cards so far. I really don't want the season to be just about gifts and getting together on Christmas with extended family-I want to feel joy! I look around and see that it is the holiday season but I don't really feel it. I do miss the excitement of Christmas through a young child's eyes-I feel like I am forcing my family to enjoy any aspect of the season and it is only a little more than 2 weeks away. Rodney did get the tree up but it is still undecorated and the boxes with decorations and ornaments are just sitting in the living room. A pretty sad sight. I hope it doesn't come down to me doing all the decoration. I have tried to express my feelings about how much it means to me that we all do it together but I think my expectations are too high. Anyone else deal with this with older kids? I have really been trying to feel better and do what the Dr. says but I still feel bummed by the holidays and I feel like I am the "ringleader" in the family-so if I don't suggest it or do it-it won't happen. UGGH!

So what has been happening with us:

  • Taylor made it home safe from college for winter break after her last final Saturday. It is nice to have all my kids in the same place for awhile again.
  • I did get some shopping done last week with my mom and then Rodney and I went out one evening. So I have a start on that task but I worry about being able to afford the rest with only one salary and me being unable to work.
  • I did get a facial and eye treatment last week that was so amazing and I loved the results. I had a gift card from my birthday from last December that was about to expire.
  • Carley has had TONS of homework over the last week. She spent most of the weekend on the computer writing papers. She is such a hard worker and always strives to do her best. I do love the fact she still comes to me to proof her work at 15!
  • Connor is doing very well in school still which I am so proud of him for. He is starting to spend a great deal of time on the phone sometimes even with girls!! I don't like that at all but he has always been a "ladies man" :)
  • Rodney will be out-of -town most of the week for some classes to prepare him for when he is released from med-hold. I will admit I was pretty upset when I first heard about it. I think mainly because we spent so much time apart when he was deployed last year and the last month or so I have had such a difficult time with my emotions and just dealing with stress. It does help that Taylor is home and I know we will be fine...I did it for months last year I can do it for a few days.
  • I have been cooking a lot, which for me is something I enjoy but is not something that happens with our busy schedule and picky eaters. We all actually sat down at the table yesterday morning for a Sunday family breakfast. It was so nice! I guess it is the little things.
  • My birthday is the 18th-not looking forward to it but it will come. It does every year!LOL

I better go get ready. I have a dentist appointment this afternoon. I lost a filling a few weeks ago and finally I am going since it has been causing me pain and I am only able to chew on one side. Did I mention I dislike going to the dentist as much as I dislike winter??

I hope my next post is more positive and I can say we are enjoying the holidays. Continue to keep us in your prayers as we muddle through this crazy journey.

Keep Imagining!

Tracy

3 comments:

Kristi from NY said...

You don't know me but I found your site through a message you left on someone's blog. Your story was unique to me and my curiosity got the best of me so I bookmarked your site. I stop in from time-to-time and read your posts.
I am so sorry that this time of year is so difficult for you. I can't imagine what you all have gone through or what you still will face. I do know something about trying to get by on one income as my husband had GI difficulties due to a food allergy that was unknown to us at the time, and also suffered with depression throughout that time. It is difficult in the midst of it all to find joy, and to have peace that you will be taken care of by a power greater than our own. I will pray for your family as you come to my mind.
I hope that things improve for you, all the way around, and that you are able to enjoy Christmas with your family. Take care!

Amy said...

I believe that God puts people in our lives for a purpose. Sometimes when we don't feel like smiling there is someone to do it for you. I promise that it will get better.I'm smiling right now for you until you can.

Amy said...

{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}