I wanted to get on here and update since I have had so many supportive comments and suggestions. It has made me feel loved and validated. Thank you! Rodney is still staying away dealing with hopefully what he needs to do. The kids and I are doing fine. We plan to start decorating tonight and finish throughout the weekend.
Connor is under the weather today with a fever and sore throat-so I am trying to give him that extra attention he needs. Carley has a birthday party to go to tonight for 2 of her friends. Taylor is going to the MU vs. OU game tomorrow. They are busy and I am just trying to listen to what my body as well as soul needs right now. I have plenty to keep me busy!
I still have hope for my marriage but I know I need to find myself again and spend some time on me. I am not perfect and have made many mistakes too-relationships are not easy, but alcohol makes thing so much more difficult. Yes, he has gotten worse since he has been home from Iraq and I know his wounds and the limitations they cause frustrate him but the last 6 months have been the worst for him emotionally. He has been on a downward spiral- almost self-destructing. I have watched it happen and know I couldn't have done anymore than I did for him. I just finally had to do something for me and the kids. I just need some peace to recover from all the chaos from the last 2 years coupled with living trying to be the advocate for Rodney as well as deal with never having the security I needed emotionally. So know I have taken a stand-I have to live with that and I know it will be a process. Confusing, sad, hurtful and a lot of hard work! I am still seeking that special therapist and it is unfortunate I have run into the snag of many not taking the insurance we have. I will find someone-I need it to be the right someone who can really help me find my way. Like a life coach who know how to deal with the facet of the situation most don't have and that is the military/anxiety/PTSD side of things. I have talked to many who do this type of therapy called EMDR-I am hopeful.
Thanks to all of my blog friends for sticking by me-it gives me strength!
PS how do you like my Holiday Blog look?? Still a work in progress but at least I have decorated something. Thanks to Amber for heading me in the direction to get the holiday back ground. It was so easy go to http://www.thecutestblogontheblock.blogspot.com/.
Trying to Keep Imagining!