Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Can anyone say DYSFUNCTIONAL?

My family is falling apart...literally... tonight was like the freaking civil war in my house with children and parents choosing sides. Obviously Taylor has been struggling-add panic attacks to her daily life. Rodney and Connor are going at it like children (at least one of them is still a child!). Carley just gets feed up with all of us-lucky for her she gets a break from our crazy house to go visit her dad for 3 nights and deal with a different crazy. I am trying to help Taylor-trying to keep her calm. Connor came home from school with a stomach thing today so trying to mother him a little. Feeling my own issues with anxiety and working to keep the stress level on an even keel. Didn't work..
So this is what happened in a nut shell.. I am reaching out to my friend's that are also mom's to some of her high school friends-I go to the garage to have a private conversation with my friend Sherri since the TV was on and Rodney was doing his best impression of the peanut gallery (stop listening and trying to be a part of my phone conversations!. Rodney was obviously in one of his moods/places/PTSD tonight-he pushes until he pisses off someone-usually me or Connor. So I am in the garage-talking and listening because I need outlets for my frustration too. Then here comes Taylor-upset because Rodney and Connor are going at it with words. Not 5 minutes later Connor is in the garage-crying about something and Rodney is right behind him. I had to tell my friend I couldn't talk-and man was I one mad momma!
All the kids retreated downstairs to Taylor's room even Carley-so then it was Rod and I arguing about the same old shit. Long, Long story short....I cannot continue to do this!!!! My marriage is not anywhere close to what I think one should look like, my children have to deal with so much stress in this house and I don't know what to do. I am a mess and I am the one supposed to know what to do!!

I am on 3 different meds, I don't get out of the house most days (not sure why other than I feel safer here-makes no sense I know!),stress of any kind makes me physically sick (I am still having stomach issues and have an ultra-sound scheduled for tomorrow in the am to look at my gall bladder), There is so much more I can't even talk about-think we all need counseling??? I am afraid that is something that is to late-I know we need to heal but none of that is happening.
Nothing anyone can really do-but something is going to blow just not sure what.

We were the poster family for Dysfunction tonight! Everything is coming to a head!

Trying to Keep Imagining!
Tracy

5 comments:

SgtSudsWife said...

Tracy I am so sorry you all are having such a rough time.You have all been through so much.I don't think it is to late for you all to find someone to talk to.It may help.Especially for you and Rodney together and for the kids.

I will be thinking of you all and hoping things start calmonng down for you.

By the way I tagged you.Check out my blog.

Laura ~Peach~ said...

wow ... I always try to come visit people who visit my blog and I have read back to Oct 12th... My heart goes out to you and your family ... Salute Rodney!
I am going to add you to my blog roll so I can get to know you and yours better :) thank you so much for coming to visit!
Big HUGS Laura

Dana said...

My heart goes out to you all. It really does. The stress of deployment, being wounded, battle with VA....it's all alot to handle. The only thing you can do is take it one day at a time. I also believe it is not too late to get counseling. Sounds as if it would be helpful to everyone.

Good luck!

Ness said...

Given everything that Rodney has been through, the kids different situations, etc. it's no wonder you feel the way you do. I went through something similar when Roger and I got married and he and the kids fought and I would go outside and hide to have a moment of peace. Please get yourself in counseling and get family counseling as well. It does work as I did it. You're in my prayers. Somehow when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Take care.

mdx3mom said...

First and foremost.... you are not the keeper of ALL knowledge. Therefore you cannot know everything to do, that is being to hard on yourself. Deal with what you can when you can and hopefully the rest will fall into place.

As for the rest...man I feel for you and I have NO GOOD advice. Good Luck.