My family is falling apart...literally... tonight was like the freaking civil war in my house with children and parents choosing sides. Obviously Taylor has been struggling-add panic attacks to her daily life. Rodney and Connor are going at it like children (at least one of them is still a child!). Carley just gets feed up with all of us-lucky for her she gets a break from our crazy house to go visit her dad for 3 nights and deal with a different crazy. I am trying to help Taylor-trying to keep her calm. Connor came home from school with a stomach thing today so trying to mother him a little. Feeling my own issues with anxiety and working to keep the stress level on an even keel. Didn't work..
So this is what happened in a nut shell.. I am reaching out to my friend's that are also mom's to some of her high school friends-I go to the garage to have a private conversation with my friend Sherri since the TV was on and Rodney was doing his best impression of the peanut gallery (stop listening and trying to be a part of my phone conversations!. Rodney was obviously in one of his moods/places/PTSD tonight-he pushes until he pisses off someone-usually me or Connor. So I am in the garage-talking and listening because I need outlets for my frustration too. Then here comes Taylor-upset because Rodney and Connor are going at it with words. Not 5 minutes later Connor is in the garage-crying about something and Rodney is right behind him. I had to tell my friend I couldn't talk-and man was I one mad momma!
All the kids retreated downstairs to Taylor's room even Carley-so then it was Rod and I arguing about the same old shit. Long, Long story short....I cannot continue to do this!!!! My marriage is not anywhere close to what I think one should look like, my children have to deal with so much stress in this house and I don't know what to do. I am a mess and I am the one supposed to know what to do!!
I am on 3 different meds, I don't get out of the house most days (not sure why other than I feel safer here-makes no sense I know!),stress of any kind makes me physically sick (I am still having stomach issues and have an ultra-sound scheduled for tomorrow in the am to look at my gall bladder), There is so much more I can't even talk about-think we all need counseling??? I am afraid that is something that is to late-I know we need to heal but none of that is happening.
Nothing anyone can really do-but something is going to blow just not sure what.
We were the poster family for Dysfunction tonight! Everything is coming to a head!
Trying to Keep Imagining!