Monday, October 6, 2008

Owner of a Broken Heart


Taylor the Dancer-circa 2007 (Her First Love-Dancing)

Today was so difficult for my baby girl-every time I told her I loved her or told her it would be ok-it just takes time-she sobbed. I told her how special she was and how sorry I was she was in such pain-she cried. She didn't want to do anything today-except watch TV. She didn't feel like eating but I took her to lunch anyway-she ate a little. I made her dinner-she ate a little.

My strong, confident daughter is so confused and doesn't understand why he broke off the engagement. I can remember feeling the way she does and it sucks-literally feels like your heart is going to explode. I did take her back to the dr. today. She was coughing and wheezing still. She was diagnosed with bronchitis. she is now on antibiotics and an inhaler. She stared running a fever again tonight. Taylor is having a really rough time. I have been there for her 100 percent today-I didn't go to Connor's vocal concert because I didn't want her to be alone. We watched "Dancing with the Stars"-she was just very quiet. She didn't go to class today and may not go to work because of the fever-but that is not like her. She has went to school and dance practice in High School when she was really ill. I am scared for her but trying to be patient. She just doesn't want to talk-she misses Bryan. She isn't sleeping well. Taylor is a mess-and she can be for awhile, but sooner or later she will have to learn to function again-to believe in herself again. She is not a person who talks about their feelings freely-sometimes it is really a chore to get her to tell you how she feels.

I am worried-besides the obvious, Taylor has been through a deal with her real dad that is complicated but in a nutshell she doesn't have a relationship with her father any longer and hasn't since she was 13 years old. Yes, for 6 years my ex-husband (dickhead)and father of my 2 girls has chosen for petty reasons not to have a relationship with his oldest daughter. So now he fiance/boyfriend of 3 years calls it off. I am worried-I am most of the time all she has.

Rodney and her aren't that close even though a lot of the time she calls him dad. She know he loves her-but it just isn't a relationship of parent and child. She was close to 8 years old when we married-she was old enough to remember when mom and dad were together. She is her momma's girl. I just want her to see how amazing she is and not focus on what the MEN in her life have chosen to do.Someone said she comes from a brave family-that is true-I have raised her and her sister to be women of character and to be true to themselves-easy at 11 but not so easy at 18 and 19 when faced with the real world-she will survive and come out on the other side stronger (I hope), for now she owns a broken heart. I pray God guides me in how to help or do what I am supposed to do to mend it or put a band aid on it. :)

Trying to Keep Imagining!
Tracy

3 comments:

Alice said...

Remember that her Heavenly Father has not abandoned her (or you!) and never will. This is a hard time - she needs to grieve. One of the things a counselor told me when I was going through my break-up (at 22) was that girls of divorce often don't grieve for the loss of that "family" until they go through their first real heartbreak in their early 20's. Your daughter is probably grieving for a lot of things right now - but that is good. It is better for her to grieve than to keep it bottled up. Just keep loving her. Give her time. My mom gave me a month. Then she gave me a swift kick in the ass and told me to get on with it. :) Y'all are going to make through this just fine. And come out of this stronger than you could imagine.

Continued prayers...

Tonjia said...

you and I could be sisters. we have lived close to the same life. My ex (also called dickhead) doesnt take part in Breannas life at all either. She was 10 when we divorced and he now has a new family with a new wife and her kids and her grandkids.

my heart goes out to you and to Taylor, I understand your fear. Mere words cannot give her comfort at this time, actions speak louder than words...

I just hope this jerkoff boy doesnt try to come back and say he was wrong, blah blah blah just about the time Taylor is getting her head back on straight.

Hang in there mom!

mdx3mom said...

It seems you and I are on opposite ends. While my daughter also a second year college student and engaged.

I wish EVERYDAY they would break up.

It is not that we do not like her fiance/boyfriend but we do think him as VERY lazy. We fear that she will have to be the supporter of the family......ect (I should stop before I bore you with my rant). We like him but NOT for her and besides they are SOOOO young.

You are doing exactly as you should for her. Let her grieve and be there for her. You sound like a good mom and have done well by your children. She will recover in time and go back to being you confident girl again.