Monday, October 6, 2008
Owner of a Broken Heart
Taylor the Dancer-circa 2007 (Her First Love-Dancing)
Today was so difficult for my baby girl-every time I told her I loved her or told her it would be ok-it just takes time-she sobbed. I told her how special she was and how sorry I was she was in such pain-she cried. She didn't want to do anything today-except watch TV. She didn't feel like eating but I took her to lunch anyway-she ate a little. I made her dinner-she ate a little.
My strong, confident daughter is so confused and doesn't understand why he broke off the engagement. I can remember feeling the way she does and it sucks-literally feels like your heart is going to explode. I did take her back to the dr. today. She was coughing and wheezing still. She was diagnosed with bronchitis. she is now on antibiotics and an inhaler. She stared running a fever again tonight. Taylor is having a really rough time. I have been there for her 100 percent today-I didn't go to Connor's vocal concert because I didn't want her to be alone. We watched "Dancing with the Stars"-she was just very quiet. She didn't go to class today and may not go to work because of the fever-but that is not like her. She has went to school and dance practice in High School when she was really ill. I am scared for her but trying to be patient. She just doesn't want to talk-she misses Bryan. She isn't sleeping well. Taylor is a mess-and she can be for awhile, but sooner or later she will have to learn to function again-to believe in herself again. She is not a person who talks about their feelings freely-sometimes it is really a chore to get her to tell you how she feels.
I am worried-besides the obvious, Taylor has been through a deal with her real dad that is complicated but in a nutshell she doesn't have a relationship with her father any longer and hasn't since she was 13 years old. Yes, for 6 years my ex-husband (dickhead)and father of my 2 girls has chosen for petty reasons not to have a relationship with his oldest daughter. So now he fiance/boyfriend of 3 years calls it off. I am worried-I am most of the time all she has.
Rodney and her aren't that close even though a lot of the time she calls him dad. She know he loves her-but it just isn't a relationship of parent and child. She was close to 8 years old when we married-she was old enough to remember when mom and dad were together. She is her momma's girl. I just want her to see how amazing she is and not focus on what the MEN in her life have chosen to do.Someone said she comes from a brave family-that is true-I have raised her and her sister to be women of character and to be true to themselves-easy at 11 but not so easy at 18 and 19 when faced with the real world-she will survive and come out on the other side stronger (I hope), for now she owns a broken heart. I pray God guides me in how to help or do what I am supposed to do to mend it or put a band aid on it. :)
Trying to Keep Imagining!